10 day you challenge (last day): day 10 – 1 picture

So this is it. we have (finally) come to the end of my 10 day challenge. I know it has stretched out over more days and most of them I have posted tonight, but I did do the challenge on my personal Facebook account first and I did kinda stick to the every day posting on there. I do apologise for my inconsistency on this blog though, it really couldn’t be helped as I have been busy with work and the past few days I have had the migraine from hell so I’ve pretty much just been asleep the whole time.

I hope that you have enjoyed reading about my challenge and that you have got to know me a bit better. I hope that you didn’t find me to be too weird or annoying! I have really enjoyed taking part. I feel as if I have learned new things about myself – or should I say re-discovered and re-established things about myself that have been there all along but somehow got left behind along the way. I feel that doing this has helped me to see more clearly and helped me to focus on some of my life goals. I know where I want to be and I just need to put in that hard work to get myself there.

Any ways enough babbling…. This ladies and gentlemen is my one picture…

I have literally a million photographs that I could have chosen. Some that mean quite a lot to me. Photos of friends and family, of fun times out; and of people and animals who are no longer here but will remain in my heart forever. Some photos I refuse to post because although they remind me of good times, I look like absolute shite in them and some are just way to personal for me to share. This photograph however, is one of my favourites. It is of my daughter and my partner a year ago. I have to just point out that my partner isn’t my daughters dad but one of the reasons I love this picture is that for a split second I captured a father / daughter moment between them that proves that you don’t have to be blood related to be family. These two people are my absolute world and I will forever be grateful to my partner for taking on my little girl and loving her and treating her like she is one of his own children.  He is truly a wonderful man and my daughter and I adore him. Another reason that I love this picture is just how happy my daughter is. I love her happy smiling face. I love that with these two (and my two step-sons) I finally have the happy family I always wished for.

 

10 day you challenge: day 9 – 2 songs

Day 9: 2 songs

1. Drain You – Nirvana – One of my favourite songs by my all time favourite band! I fell in love with Nirvana and all their grungy awesomeness when I was 13 years old. I had – and still own – a Nirvana hoodie with the red smiley face logo on the back. I wore it all the time which gave me the nick name “Nirvana girl” amongst the other ‘grebos’ (we often called each other by the band on the hoodie we wore the most so people who didn’t know our names knew who we were referring to) and kids at school who didn’t know my actual name.

2. All The Small Things – Blink182 – As well as reminding me of my youth, I love this song because I used to sing it to my daughter when she was on light therapy in neonatal. “say it aint so, I will not go, turn the lights off, carry me home.” The days that I sat by her incubator and hoped and prayed that she would get better were so hard but I felt somewhat soothed by those lyrics and I knew eventually I would have those lights switched off and I could carry my baby girl home with me. My daughter also seemed to enjoy me singing it to her and still does now. To this day when ever she hears it she refers to it as “our song”.

10 day you challenge: Day 8 – 3 films

Day 8: 3 films

Also a really tough one! Again too many to choose from! I have done the same with this list as I did with the books – I chose the first three that popped into my head. I am quite pleased with these choices (for now) but there are so many films that I love – Magic Mike being one for obvious reasons, but I’m not being shallow so here’s what I got…

1. Cruel Intentions – I watched this film so many times when I was younger. My friends and I absolutely loved it! I always hoped someone would wait for me at the top of an escalator to declare their undying love for me and prevent me from leaving them. Haha! I am such a hopeless romantic 😛

2. The Perks of Being a Wallflower – A new favourite of mine. I can relate to the struggles of the characters and how they are drawn to the unique weirdness of each other. I think I favour anything that portrays the struggles of outsiders and the less popular people – especially if there is a happy ending to it and they find their place in society –  as, guess what..? Yep! I was one of those weird, outsider kinda people. Who am I kidding…? I am still one of those weird, outsider people!

3. P.S I Love You – My all time favourite weepy chick flick! Like I said I am a hopeless romantic! I always end up crying even though I have watched it a million times. I also really love the book and think this is one of a few films that do the books justice. It is also one of the reasons that I really want to go to Ireland!

10 day you challenge: day 7 – 4 books

Day 7: 4 books

Aaagghh! This is a tough one! There are soooo many books that I love, its hard to choose just 4 of my favourites! I really do not know which to choose so I am just going to pick the first four that come to mind and what I like the most about them. I will probably look back on this later and think “why didn’t I add *random book* instead…?” or “*random book* was so much better, I should have included that!” Oh well… here goes…

1. Flowers in the Attic – Virginia Andrews. She is one of my favourite authors and I love the Dollanganger series.…

2. The Pact – Jodi Picoult. I love how much research and effort she puts in to her novels. The pact is a really thought – provoking story that I loved.

3. Pandora – Anne Rice. THE don of vampire fiction, Anne Rice is amazing and the story of Pandora is one of the best.

4. The Fault in Our Stars – John Green. John Green is a new-found love of mine. I watched the film before I read the book (I do this in case the films are rubbish, that way they wont ruin the book for me. I learned the hard way with My Sisters Keeper and the first Flowers in The Attic film.) And absolutely loved it, made me cry so much. Read the book and it was sooo much better and I cried even more!

10 day you challenge: Day 6 – 5 foods

Day 6: 5 foods.

1. Chocolate, of course! I am a complete chocoholic – especially when I am stressed or not feeling well.
2. Chicken stir fry – tis sooo nice! I love to make these myself using black bean sauce whilst stir frying the meat and veggies and then drowning it in soy sauce after serving.
3. Toast made by my Nan. I do not know how or why but my Nan makes the best toast! It is always nice, warm, and squidgy with lots of butter!
4. My Nan’s home-made bread pudding. It is the best bread pudding ever in the world. I loved when she used to make it when I was growing up and always looked forward to the days when I knew she was making some. I can make this myself now but always prefer my Nan’s. She hasn’t made any for quite a while now though so I think I might have to go and ask her to make some!
5. My Mom’s home-made chicken casserole. It is that good everyone loves it! If my Mom mentions that she is making a chicken casserole you can guarantee that her house will be full of people ready for dinner.

10 day you challenge: Day 5 – 6 places

Day 5: 6 places

Ok.. I don’t know if this is meant to be places I want to go or places I love so I will do a mixture.

1. Bed. I love my bed haha! I love reading in bed, having cuddle time talking to my daughter in bed, having snuggly, sleepy times with my partner in bed, and, of course, my favourite bedtime activity….sleeping!

2. Ireland… I really want to go to Ireland! Irish accents are the best!

3. Paris. I have been there twice and I love it there. I would definitely go back if I got the chance.

4. Japan. I would love to go to Japan and experience their culture and see the beauty of the country. Also… hello kitty factory!

5. Amsterdam… obviously for all the art, culture and tulips *cough, cough* deffo not for the green cafes! I especially want to go now that I have read the fault in our stars ❤

6. Disney world. I would love to take my daughter to Disney world, it would be a dream come true for her and I want to make that dream a reality.

10 day you challenge. Day 4: 7 wants.

Continuing with the 10 day you challenge. I had to really think about what it was that I wanted the most out of life. I’m sure that a lot of people would have said that they wanted money or material things but, even though having a huge house and loads of money in the bank would be pretty awesome and not something I would ever refuse if offered to me, all I really want in life is for myself and the people who I love to be happy and comfortable.

Day 4: 7 wants.

1. To be happy and comfortable in life.

2. To become a successful writer. I really want people to enjoy my work and want to read it.

3. I really want my daughter to be happy and have a good life. I want her to achieve great things, to go places, and to have amazing experiences.

4. I want my mom to be happy. She has suffered with anxiety and depression for a while and I hate seeing her upset. I want her to know how truly amazing she is and for her to be confident with herself. I don’t want her to ever have to feel bad.

5. I want to spend the rest of my life with my partner (all the evas baba lol) I want us to build a future together doing things that make us happy and to be a real family with our children.

6. I want to be the best mom that I can be. I want my daughter to look back on her childhood with happy memories, knowing how much I love her and how much I sacrificed for her. I want her to say confidently, without hesitation that I was a good mother.

7.I want to be happy. Completely and utterly happy with no depression and bad thoughts, and no niggling voices telling me how shit I am at everything. I want to love and accept myself with complete peace of mind.

10 day you challenge: day 3 – 8 fears.

So these are my fears. Most of them completely irrational and over the top due to how my brain and mind like to twist things and magnify how scary certain things and/or situations are.

Day 3: 8 fears.

1. Fear of dying. I am so scared of dying that sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night having a panic attack about dying. I know it is inevitable and the only thing that is certain in life but still, it something that I don’t cope with very well.

 

2. Fear of spiders… I’m sure those sneaky lil bastards are up to something sinister! I hate how they just creep around the house, waltzing in like they own the place or appearing out of no where then disappearing just as quickly as if to taunt you and leaving you with the fear and anticipation of their return.

3. This is going to sound so stupid and ridiculous *please bear in mind what I said at the beginning of this post* but I’m scared of my boyfriend leaving me (not that he would because, lets face it… I am awesome) but yeah.. I seriously don’t know what I would do without him and I don’t want to picture my life without him. I really hate to sound like a needy, overly attached girlfriend but I really value the people who I love and need them in my life.

4. I am petrified of bad things happening to my daughter. I always worry about her and do what ever I can to make sure she is safe and protected but I still worry so much! I hate waking up before she does because I’m convinced something bad has happened. I imagine all sorts of things that could happen to her and fear so much for her safety when she is not with me. Even when she is at school I have all sorts of crazy things going through my head because to me, no one will be able to look after and protect my girl as well as I can.

5. I’m scared of being alone (links in to No.3) I do not mean I am scared to be on my own, I am scared that I will be all alone. I am absolutely fine being alone and being in my own company but I don’t want to feel like I am alone. This is probably making no sense so I’ll leave it as that before I confuse you.

6. I am scared of losing my friends and family. I do not know how I would cope without them. Also they are not allowed to die for this very reason… seriously I made them promise!

7. I fear failure and humiliation. I am so scared of never being good enough for anyone – myself included – and ending up being a nobody. On the flip side of this though, I am also scared to put myself out there and get myself noticed because I fear making a fool out of myself and doing embarrassing things. I care too much what other people think of me. When I started this blog and my author platform it was a struggle for me because all I could imagine was all the ridicule and bad comments I would get from people.

8. I am scared of being in the dark at night. Yeah I am 28 years old and unless my partner is staying with me I have to sleep with a lamp on. It’s not that I am scared of the dark, I am scared of what could be hiding there.

10 day you challenge: Day 2 – 9 loves.

Continuing with the 10 day you challenge. I know technically I’m posting this on day three but I have been ill with bad migraines so catching up now.

Day 2: 9 Loves.

1. My baby girl (obviously) I love my daughter more than anything in the world. She has been my number one since the day she was born.
2. My sexy boyfriend. I am so lucky to have him. I haven’t had much luck with men in the past – and that is putting it nicely – but, that’s all changed now. I have finally met a wonderful man who treats me like a queen and my daughter like she is his own little princess. He truly is my saving grace.
3. My family and friends. Especially my cont of a mother. .. love her most ^-^ *disclaimer * cont is a jokey term of endearment used between me and my mom. Yes we are weird like that!

4. I love seeing my daughter completely happy. The kind of happy where she’s got a huge grin on her face and her eyes light up with joy. I love seeing her achieve new things and the pride on her face when she accomplishes new things.

5. I love the way my boyfriend crinkles his nose when he finds something really funny. He looks so cute in a cheeky kinda way. It is in those moments when I look at him and think how gorgeous he is and how much I love him.

6. Cuddles / snuggles with my boyfriend. I always feel better and can sleep better when I’m wrapped in his arms.

7. Dancing and singing with my daughter. There is nothing I love more than blasting music really loud and singing at the top of our voices whilst dancing around the living room… changing the lyrics to the songs so that they relate to us.

8. Having a good laugh with friends and family about the most ridiculous things; laughing so hard that tears are running down my face and I can’t breathe.

9. Reading a good book whilst relaxing in a nice hot bubble bath before getting in to bed with clean fresh sheets n p.jz.

10 day you challenge.

So I was randomly surfing the net in one of my many moments of procrastinating when I came across this challenge. I have already started it on my Facebook page but thought it would be a good way for people who read my blogs *waves to the one person reading this* to get to know me a bit better. Right, this is how it works… each day you write one of the required prompts starting the first day with ten secrets and working through them until you end on day 10 – the last day – with one picture. I hope that makes sense, it is simple enough to get the jist of but one of my many talents is the ability to confuse the hell outta people. Any ways here goes…

Day 1: 10 secrets.

1. I ate most of my daughter’s Easter eggs. .. I did buy her lots of presents to make up for it though and I am saving her from obesity in the long run!

2. I accidentally ruined an item of someone’s clothes with bleach and threw it away in the hopes that the person wouldn’t notice… they didn’t for a whole year :’)

3. Sometimes I say I’m staying home to clean but I just go sleep for an hour.

4. I have sneaky cheat days (food) that I don’t tell my boyfriend about. (Sorry baba)

5. When I was little I got my brother in trouble for drawing on furniture. I wrote his name on it so it looked like he had done it, haha!

6. I’ve told my daughter that places she has wanted to go to are closed just because I didn’t want to go there.

7. I’ve said things are out of stock when really I just forgot to buy them when asked.

8. I get really upset about things and cry by myself.

9. I feel like I’m a really horrible person and really hate myself.

10. I have a weird obsession with biting my lip until it bleeds. . I do not know why I do it but I find it really fascinating and it is a habit that I have had since childhood.